Ten observations of super freak momzilla behaviour

Posted on October 12, 2010 · 6 Comments

Zombie [Crazy] Mom

Zombie [Crazy] Mom. Photo credit to Sebke on Flickr!

This is a sequel to my post on super freak auntie behaviour.

  • Momzillas always think they are right. Everything they do for their kid is the right way. And it is the only right way. And if you don’t follow their way, they condemn your ways and make you feel like you’re a terrible mom.
  • Momzillas love to ask every mom to be or every new mom this question, “Are you going to breastfeed/Are you breastfeeding?”
  • Most Momzillas have a blog  and you’re sure to find a post on:
  1. A very detailed pregnancy journey including details of her super duper birth plan which usually comprises of no pain management options whatsoever
  2. A very detailed birth story including how unfortunately she couldn’t follow her birth plan & gave in to pain management but wished she could turn back time and did it without any pain management
  3. A very detailed log on her breastfeeding journey including the brand of her breastpump, breast milk storage plan, and her best record of quantity of milk expressed
  4. Every item she’s bought for her kid including 3-4 photos of the same thing but taken from different angles. Also not forgetting a detailed description of the item and its purpose
  • Momzillas do not only love to blog but also love to comment on other Momzillas blog. But the best part is, sometimes their comments go into a full blown “my life story is better” mode. So instead of leaving a comment on your blog, they share their own version of the topic you just blogged about.
  • Momzillas love to do product reviews, even they are not paid to review to the product. Crowd favourite (drumroll please!!) CLOTH DIAPERS.
  • Momzillas swear by the word ORGANIC. When they mention any type of food/vege/fruit/dairy/etc you’ll be certain it has the word ORGANIC before it, like say, ORGANIC AVOCADO. The obvious 2nd runner up favourite Momzilla word is – ECO FRIENDLY. Momzillas love planet Earth so much, they don’t dispose much of waste (i.e. diapers) BUT it’s perfectly okay to use more water to wash them diapers.
  • Momzillas ban Johnson’s baby products, because it is toxic (and they  blog openly about why they ban it). But; it is TOTALLY OK to take part in and also blog about the Johnson’s Baby of The Year contest. They have no issues with contradiction there.
  • Momzillas love self praise. They love to quote statements (be it their own made up statements or statements which they claim are made by friends/relatives/colleagues) which help to defend their self-worth.
  • Momzillas are not regular moms. They are super moms. They do everything by the book. They monitor everything by the book. They have a serious OCD problem, particularly with baby hygiene when they are out and about.
  • Momzillas are just plain freaky and may very likely end up having the ten super freak auntie behaviour too!
Filed Under: The in-betweens Tagged With: , ,

Ten observations of super freak auntie behaviour

Posted on September 7, 2010 · 4 Comments

Super Mom

Photo credit: Super Mom by Kastner on Flickr

  1. Insanely kiasu be it in FB games or haggling for a the best deal at the wet market
  2. Wants in on everything i.e. hungry for discount coupons and deals regardless of the product/service. Point is just get the deals first, think later if she needs it.
  3. Does not like to wait for anything be it lining up at the supermarket cashier or fast forwarding TV dramas just get to the end quickly
  4. Lacks fashion sense but promotes it as being so trim to still fit into clothes from 2 decades ago
  5. Super competitive in the circle of moms by holding on to the record of most number of tuition class + ballet class + piano class + mental arithmetic class + art class she sends the kids to.
  6. Notice she does not send the kids for any classes with physical activity or sports…for fear of injuring themselves. Ballet’s ok cos it’s supposed to be “gentle”.
  7. Very racist in her remarks and loves to comment “Indian/Malay ah?” Hello, we Chinese do bad shit too ok!
  8. Always thinks she is right and reacts greatly to negative remarks about how she’s wrong
  9. And when failure is inevitable, she blames others for her failure.
  10. Loves to self praise.

Next post: Ten observations of super freak momzilla behaviour

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: , ,

The girl we call Maria

Posted on June 24, 2010 · 5 Comments

Maria has been with us for almost 2 months now. She has been GREAT help around the house (from cleaning, mopping, cooking, washing, ironing, folding, dusting and very much everything in between for the sole purpose of keeping our home in order).  As the days pass, I get to know her a little bit more–some I can live with and some I just kinda scratch my head and go “WHAT?”

So here’s what I like about her:

  1. She’s quite clean and hygiene conscious when she’s around Muffin. She also makes sure her hands are sanitized between the endless number of nappy changes.
  2. She works like a bullet train on the loose – everything gets done like in a jiffy and it’s not shabby at all
  3. She’s very neat and tidy; David’s clothes are kept almost colour and collar coordinated AND she rolled up all of my panties (which I told her to un-roll cos I can’t identify my undies in that manner)
  4. She loves being around Muffin and loves playing with him, we even caught her singing Jingle Bells to him once (probably ran out of ideas liao!)
  5. She’s initiated and tries to problem-solve on her own. For the longest time we had this horrible stain on our toilet floor, and God knows what she did it’s gone now. Amazing.

Here’s what drives me crazy:

  1. She doesn’t listen attentively when new instructions are given, especially when it comes to preparing vegetables and meats for cooking. Once I caught her stabbing a sengkuang, and another time I saw her cutting a good inch off the top of a capsicum and chucking it into the bin. My heart was beating really fast. I guess she’s never had a sengkuang, or a capsicum.
  2. She’s a hoarder. She keeps our trash. Everything that we try to dispose off, she somehow skims through first and keeps the stuff she deems “worthy” to be kept. Her feet are not even my size and she’s keeping a pair of my really worn out slippers. AND, my mom caught her keeping 2 of her worn out bras. We’ve resorted to throwing away stuff directly into the big bin at my mom’s shop or at my apartment. This one really drives me crazy.
  3. She simplifies problem-solving the Pinoy way (which is not the right/safe way). I caught her stabbing a can instead of using the can opener TWO TIMES. I almost went mental. As you may already notice she likes stabbing things. In the kitchen.
  4. She occasionally has bad memory. She keeps forgetting that we use chopsticks with bowls. Sometimes you see a fork and spoon set at the table with Chinese rice bowls seated in between. AND, our kitchen utensils always gets misplaced into different drawers. She just can’t remember where she took them from. I have problems looking for my baking utensils too!
  5. She’s always asking me to pass Muffin to her. Even when I’m like free, and have nothing to do, and she’s looking for something to do, she wants me to pass Muffin to her. I’m his mother ok! I will take care of him full time everyday when I’m back from work and on the weekends. Don’t push me! Don’t try to take over!

So God please grant me to patience to teach and guide and mould Maria for the rest of the time she will be working for us. Amen.

Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: , ,

10 signs you have auntie-behaviour

Posted on September 10, 2009 · 1 Comment

This is the Part II installment of my “10 signs you’ve advanced into auntie level series“.

  1. You’re super competitive with the other aunties be it your kid’s grades OR your kid’s growth.
  2. You talk at the top of your voice at the wet market, on your mobile phone, in a boutique changing room, with your kid’s teacher or with the neighbours.
  3. When out and about in your car you cover your arms with your husband’s old work shirt so you don’t get two toned arms.
  4. You go to pasar malam with your LV bag, your maid, and your kid being carried in a sarong by your maid.
  5. You assume you know everything. Just about everything.
  6. You start a Blogspot blog after having 3 kids and you showcase all your amazing skills at preparing lunch boxes for them.
  7. You give your 3 kids funky, out-of-this-world nicknames in that Blogspot blog.
  8. You join a yoga class for aunties because you need to be fit and have friends of the same type at the same time.
  9. At a typical Chinese restaurant you ask the waiters not to give you nuts or wet towels because you don’t want to pay for them.
  10. You deny having auntie-behaviour when your husband tells you to stop being so auntie.

Not to be taken seriously, these are just some observations I decided to put together just for laughs! Let’s hope we don’t go commit these “crimes” too soon

Filed Under: Life, The in-betweens Tagged With: , ,

10 signs you’ve advanced into auntie-level

Posted on August 24, 2009 · 5 Comments

Part 1 – Supermarket Scenario

  1. You know the market price of common household items like toilet paper, detergent and dishwashing liquid
  2. You compare prices of these common household items at Giant, Carrefour and Tesco
  3. You collect coupons to buy these common household items at a discounted price
  4. You lookout for promotions in newspaper ads and go on said days just so you can save 10% off these common household items
  5. You bring your loyalty card when you shop at Giant, Carrefour and Tesco
  6. You redeem your loyalty card points for some stainless steel pots or a 20-pc ceramic dining set
  7. You keep going back to shop at Giant, Carrefour and Tesco for the sake of collecting these points
  8. You take extra plastic bags from the fruit/vegetable area to re-pack your frozen meat/fish at home
  9. You take extra plastic bags upon check out to use as rubbish bags at home
  10. You unconsciously are unaware that you do all the above successfully
Filed Under: Life Tagged With: , , , ,

You know you’re behind a P driver when

Posted on August 19, 2009 · 5 Comments
  1. She puts on her indicator light suddenly, slows down immediately and forces her way into your lane, when her scheduled exit is another 1km away
  2. She comes to a complete halt upon arriving at a round-a-bout; even if there’s no cars rounding the round-a-bout
  3. She is driving at night without her car lights switched on, along a well-lit highway
  4. Her car seat is pushed so near the steering wheel her breasts are almost resting on it
  5. She has to remove her seat belt, open the door and stretch far out to reach for the green button on a parking ticket issuing machine
  6. You drive past her and she has this look on her face that says “I shouldn’t be driving”
  7. You drive past her and she has this look on her face that says “I don’t know where I’m going”
  8. The traffic light turns green, her car moves about 2 metres and then chokes for a bit–then mati-engine–and she immediately switches on her hazard lights.
  9. She has a stupid yellow sign that says “Don’t follow me, I’m lost too”
  10. She causes a traffic jam in a shopping mall parking lot trying to reverse park, attempting 5 times before ditching the plan and returning the traffic flow to normal.

Unfortunately … most of these P drivers who commit these crimes are women. The sad truth.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: , ,

can we be friends?

Posted on July 16, 2009 · 3 Comments

I came back from lunch at 1, and received this email from a dude who refers to himself as Poh Dee.

psycho

Ok, let me set things straight.

  1. Firstly, I don’t know who the eff you are
  2. I’m not simple, down to earth, pleasant and cheerful now cos I don’t know who the eff you are
  3. If you like to travel then why the eff are you homely?
  4. Gym is not a sport
  5. You don’t stay in a country — you live in one.
  6. So do you want a sincere friendship or you’re looking to find someone to marry your sorry ass?
  7. And you want me to tell you what’s E=MC2?
  8. I don’t want to know more about you. Go away.

What is wrong with the world????

Filed Under: The in-betweens Tagged With: , ,

a piece of luxury

Posted on July 10, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Joanie is my childhood friend of almost 20 years. Although she moved to Melbourne in 1992, with snail mails and emails we’ve remained close and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

When I found out that Joanie and Gavin were featured in a top notch, extremely exclusive, unlike-no-other bridal magazine in Australia, I was so excited I couldn’t wait to lay my hands on the magazine and see it with my own eyes! I got Joanie to buy me a copy and got hold of it from her as she’s back in KL for a couple of days before leaving to her 2nd honeymoon in Italy.

Boy, it was big. And heavy.

j&g.001

The magazine is distributed Australia-wide. Grand…

j&g.002

It was exactly what was printed on the front cover of the magazine–25 most extraordinary, opulent and luxurious weddings were featured in this heavyweight magazine. Did I mention I love the smell of crisp, newly printed glossy magazines?

j&g.003Joanie and Gavin’s wedding was labeled as The Jewel of The Orient–A Fusion of Japanese and Vintage. That’s right. Sakura flowers were everywhere and you won’t miss the romantic shades of pink and brown in every nook and corner. I loved how she used the birdcage; it remained iconic throughout her printed material to the decorations at their reception at Quat Quatta in Rippon Lea.

So I flipped to page 214, and my jaw dropped in awe of how great the photos were! She made the right choice to go with her very talented photographer–the guys at Chateau captured the moment and the emotions. It was so sweet and touching,  I cried a couple of times at her wedding. I thank God for waterproof mascara. Seriously.

j&g.004I thought I have attention to detail, but I couldn’t beat Joanie to win the title of perfection in every little thing at the wedding. Here’s my lil’ piece of luxury from her big day. Without a doubt she and Gav absolutely deserved to be one of the 25 couples extraordinary weddings featured in Luxury Weddings.

j&g.005

Filed Under: The in-betweens Tagged With: , ,

The feeling of extreme dissatisfaction and unhappiness

Posted on July 2, 2009 · 9 Comments

I flicked inspiration from EvaThePeanut to write my very own tulan list. Before I begin listing out all my frustrations, I decided to do a quick Google search on what the word tulan means. Here are the top 3 results:

  1. The Obnoxious 5xmom blog came up and in a specific entry defined a selection of Hokkien baddies. It was here I found out that tulan literally means, pig’s penis.
  2. A directory listing of restaurants and it seems Tu Lan is a popular Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco.
  3. Kenny Sia’s guide to using the word tulan. He described it as a feeling of extreme dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

So here’s my tulan list of extreme dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

At work

  • When our office cleaner comes in to wash our toilets, mysteriously our toilet rolls are all soaked and damp. Did she take a shower while cleaning the loo?
  • When we have visitors to our office, as they leave, they press the panic button next to the exit although there’s a sign next to it that says “DO NOT PRESS”.
  • When there’s no water and the nearest toilet is across the street in McDonald’s.

At home

  • When I get home and some idiot’s car is parked at my allocated parking lot
  • When there’s no ice for my coffee (my bad cos as I almost never refill the ice cube tray once consumed)
  • When it rains in the midst of my favourite TVB drama at the point where someone’s about to get killed and the TV goes all fuzzy.

At my parent’s place

  • When I wanna eat pancakes for dinner and mom’s already prepped 3 dishes and rice.
  • When there’s no butter and I have the sudden urge to bake.
  • When dad’s PC acts up and I can’t seem to log on into Facebook to monitor my Restaurant City stats.

At church

  • When I get the seat right under the air conditioning vent and I forgot to bring my pashmina.
  • When Dave is engrossed with his iPhone and I only have the iPod touch.
  • When the kid sitting in front of me stares at me like I stole his lollipop.

On the road

  • When crazy wacko motorcyclists ride like they own the road. On all 3 lanes of the highway.
  • When you drive up to a petrol station and that pump you chose to stop at is “out of service”.
  • When I pay for parking with RM 4 worth of coins and I key in the wrong car registration number and have to start all over again.

With friends

  • When Josie doesn’t want to hang out with me cos she’s out somewhere karaoke-ing at the Curve
  • When Grace and William manage to watch Transformers 2 before me and Dave.
  • When Mei Li doesn’t laugh at my jokes

Ah … life.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: , , , ,

What would you do…

Posted on June 10, 2009 · 2 Comments

If your truck broke down? You find a branch with some twigs and leaves stuck to it and you cucuk it wherever you can find a place to cucuk it. That’s the universal sign for “my truck has broken down”. Use it with cars, buses, vans, anything you fancy.

wwud001

If your car broke down in the middle of a busy street? Get your buddies to wave danger to oncoming vehicles. Better still get your super genius buddy to korek in your car boot find something useful as the “danger” sign – like this plastic container.

wwud002

If you are driving and you pass by an accident? Slow down, snap a pic, look at the damage, evaluate the damage, discuss the how the accident actually happened and then continue to your destination. 2 weeks later looking through your photo folder in your cameraphone you then come up with a brilliant idea of using that photo for a blog post, like the one I’m typing right now.

wwud003

 If you got bored of your car colour and its exterior? Just DIY. Like this.

wwud004

Now you’d know what to do

Filed Under: Just Photos, Life Tagged With: , ,
«Older Posts